5.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

6.

Anything you say will be held against you. … “tits”
7.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
8.

once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ‘hot xxx galore’. While i clicked my fav’rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, ” ‘Tis not possible!”, i muttered, “give me back my free hardcore!”….. quoth the server, 404.
9.

Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people.
10.

Solution to two of the world’s problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry.
11.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
12.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move.
13.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
14.

War is God’s way of teaching Americans about geography. — Ambrose Bierce